( This email exchange was the result of an inordinate amount of spam entering my inbox. I sent many similar replies to these shameless pan-handlers, yet it was one Dr.Kenneth Lameta who first took the bait.)
Subject : From Dr.Kenneth
From : Kenneth Lameta <*******@yahoo.com>
To : Ben Donnelly <****************@lycos.com>
Goodday and please pardon my approach without a prior consent.
I am contacting you in view of the fact we will be of Great assistance to each other, like developing a cordial business Relationship. I am Dr Kenneth Lameta. The Auditor General of one of the Prime banks here United Kingdom, during the course of our auditing, I Discovered a floating fund in an account opened in the bank in 1999 and since 2003 nobody has operated on this account again, after going Through some old files in the records I discovered that the owner of the account died without a [heir]hence the money is floating and if I do not remit this money out urgently it will be forfeited for nothing.
The owner of this account is Mr.Steven Jackson, a foreigner, and an Industrialist and he died, since 1998. And no other person knows about this account or anything concerning it, the account has no other beneficiary and my investigation proved to me as well that Steven Jackson until his death was the manager Diamond Safari company [pty]. United Kingdom.
We will start the first transfer with fifty six million [$56,000.000]upon successful transaction without any disappoint from your side, we shall re-apply for the payment of the remaining rest amount to your account.
The amount involved is (USD 112 M) One hundred and twelve million United States Dollars only. I want to first transfer $56,000.000 [Fifty sixmillion United States Dollar] from this money into a safe foreigners account abroad before the rest, but I don't know any foreigner, I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money cannot be approved to a local person here, without valid International foreign passport, but can only be approved to any foreigner with valid international passport or drivers license and foreign a/c because the money is in US dollars and the former owner of the a/c Mr. Steven Jackson is a foreigner too, and the money can only be approved into a foreign a/c. However, we will sign a binding agreement, to bind us together.
I am revealing this to you with believe in God that you will never let me down in this business or betray me as soon as this money goes into your account. Send also your private telephone and fax number including the full details of the account to be used for the deposit.
I want us to meet face to face to build confidence and to sign a binding agreement that will bind us together before transferring the money to any account of your choice where the fund will be safe. Before we fly to your country for withdrawal, sharing and investments. I need your full co-operation to make this work fine, Because the management is ready to approve this payment to any foreigner who has correct information of this account, which I will give to you, upon your positive response and once I am convinced that you are capable and will meet up with instruction of a key bank official who is deeply involved with me in this business.
I need your strong assurance that you will never, never let me down,With my influence and the position of the bank official we can transfer this money to any foreigner's reliable account which you can provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending our physical arrival in your country for sharing.
The bank official will destroy all documents of transaction immediately we receive this money leaving no trace to any place and to build confidence you can come immediately to discuss with me face to face after which I will make this remittance in your presence and three of us will fly to your country at least two days ahead of the money going into the account.
I will apply for annual leave to get visa immediately I hear from you that you are ready to act and receive this fund in your account. I will use my position and influence to obtain all legal approvals for onward transfer of this money to your account with appropriate clearance from
the relevant ministries and foreign exchange departments.
At the conclusion of this business, you will be given 35% of the total amount, 55% will be for me, while 10% will be for expenses both parties might have incurred during the process of transferring.
I look forward to your earliest reply,
Best Regards,
Dr Kenneth Lameta
Subject : [RE]From Dr.Kenneth
From : Ben Donnelly <****************@lycos.com>
To : Kenneth Lameta <*******@yahoo.com>
Dr Kenneth,
I am both shocked and overwhelmed by your most generous offer, entreating you sir to forthwith dispense with all formality and speak to me as you would your brother, or a piece of our marvellous natural world, or indeed a reflection of your own good self Doctor Kenneth. A being of both massive magnanimity and infinite compassion. I feel it is my duty to bear the load of this monolithic money pile of one twenty hundred million of the dollars from united states. However sir, it breaks my heart to have to tell you news that will make you shudder and weep for our noble endeavour, I am currently under the custody of our Fine Queen of this land. She has me imprisoned in a debtor's tower in our nation's great capitol, festooned with the spilled guts and severed heads of this fair country's malefactors. No holdings of any kind may I possess, no bank accounts, nor servants, nor robotic sex slaves, nor premium grade narcotics. I am reduced to the life of a common man, and this I fear may end our relationship, for you need the services of a gentleman and this good Doctor I assure you I am not. Although as I pen this electronic poesy I hit upon a marvellous idea that may save our heroic intentions from the fires of failure. I have often heard other people, visiting my cell at various times, to have disclosed and vouchsafed many of their own bank account details to me in passing conversation. Wouldst thou needest mine own bank account details to download these monies to our safekeeping? Or would the banking accounting details of the Duchess of Queefdom suffice for our Hurculean task? Please hurry with your reply brave Doctor Kenneth, for I fear the executioner's axe is poised above my slender neck, and I would go to my grave peacefully with the knowledge that I had served you and your dead men's monies well.
Yours eternally
Quod Lactis Chan Goodnight
The Duke of Donnelly
From : Kenneth Lameta <*******@yahoo.com>
To : Ben Donnelly <****************@lycos.com>
OK Ben no problem can u convince me that you are serious about this transaction and that you are someone to be trusted if you are just fornish me with your account information so that I will start the first transfer ok. Im sorry about your predicament.
Regards.
Dr.Kenneth.
From : Ben Donnelly <****************@lycos.com>
To : Kenneth Lameta <*******@yahoo.com>
Sir,
If my previous email left you in some doubt as to the veracity of my commitment, please allow this one electronic mail to extinguish all doubts from your mind. Please regard me as a noble seeker of justice in a land riddled with corruption and evil. As I had vouchsafed to you in a previous exchange, I have no banking or accounting of my own Good Doctor, however many fine ladies of wealth and esteem do frequent my bed chamber, and I could wrestle the information you desire from them when they inevitably fall into a laudanum stupor. Please let me know if this would be of any use to you Good Doctor, the thought of you languishing in solitude and despair, sitting upon an enormous money pile that you cannot transfer, sir my eyes prick with tears and my heart beats triple time! We must come together to battle evil, Doctor Kenneth, of this I am certain. I have not hit upon a name for our glorious endeavour, yet some ideas I have been toying with for a while. With your glorious flying machines you could take the mantle of Sky-Raider, and with my knowledge of the London dungeons I would take the name of ScrimShaw. Our heroic fighting duo would doubtless attract others of like mind and spirit, and with them alongside us we could truly let the light of justice shine. Please let me know what you think of this proposal noble Sky-Raider, your stalwart ward ScrimShaw awaits your reply.
Et Validus Niminus Triptych Adeiu
Lord Baffont Donnelly
From : Kenneth Lameta <*******@yahoo.com>
To : Ben Donnelly <****************@lycos.com>
OK Ben you have to tell me how you want the money to get to you so that we will start the transfer as soon as possible.
Regards.
Dr. Kenneth
From : Ben Donnelly <****************@lycos.com>
To : Kenneth Lameta <*******@yahoo.com>
Fearless Sky-Raider,
Please rest assured, although I own no banking details of my own personage, just this very last night did the Duchess of Squealshaft entrust to me her account number, sorting pin number, and favourite colour. With this information I believe we can achieve our goal. There is but one small part you must now play, Good Doctor, and that is the part of heroic rescuer. I beseech you to pilot your flying machine to the castle battlements where I pass each day in tortured reverie. Upon seeing the red lustre of your indefatigable Air Burster, I will leap from said battlements, into your muscular, corded arms. Will you not free your trusted ward from the evil clutches of his mad monarch? Should a man of such compassion be forced to dine upon the corpses of rats, and to make sexual congress with the “Woman of Tin”? Nay sir, nay say I, forthwith you must pilot the Air Burster Prop Glider to London, and facilitate my daring escape. This practice is known amongst the commoners as “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours”. It basically means that after our escape we can enjoy a nice long bubble bath together, without fear of judgment from a world gone increasingly awry. I will scratch at your back with my solid gold scratcher, whilst you in your mechanical fanaticism can upgrade and maintain the Air Burster in preparation for our next adventure. I beg you to rescue me Doctor, desperation forces my hand, just last evening did I hear BibleJack, the Queen’s chief executioner, sharpening his neck trimmers in the courtyard below my window. I pray that I will hear your propellers on the wind, and that my incarceration for the posession of child pornography may fade to a distant memory.
In chastisement and constancy, your noble ward.
Lord Buffeleta Don Eli
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